The Art of Correspondence

I had been hoping to write a post about various scintillating topics today but instead find my writing time absorbed by correspondence with the Office of the Parking Clerk in The City of Lynn, a charming hamlet to the north of us.  So, since I have run out of time I give you my parking letter:

Office of the Parking Clerk
City of Lynn
Lynn City Hall – Room 102
Lynn, MA 01902

Dear Sir/Madam:

You will see from the attached document and copy of check # 3027 that I had attempted to pay this parking fine on March 24, 2012. I received the ticket on March 12, 2012 as I was in Lynn shopping at Zimman’s, which I am sorry to say, does not seem to have the same selection it used to.

 I left Zimman’s and discovered that my meter had run out and that I had received a parking ticket.  I put the ticket in my purse and have never seen it since.  Once I realized I had lost the original ticket, I called your office twice to find out the amount that I owed.  Both times I was told that there was no record of my ticket.  The lady I spoke with on the second occasion gave me your address and said I could send a check if I wanted.  As you will see that check was returned to me by your office on March 27, 2012.

The letter I received two days ago dated 6/12/2012 headed **Drivers License and Registration Non-renewal Action Pending** inviting me to appear before the hearing officer on Wednesday, June 27, 2012 if I do not send $20 before then says “Final Notice” on it.  To be clear, this is the first I have heard from the Office of the Parking Clerk, City of Lynn since my original check was returned on March 27, 2012.   Additionally it says that my ticket V59737 was issued 04/02/12 at 12:39 PM.  As mentioned above, I was not in Lynn that day but an enclosing $20 for my violation of March 12, 2012.

Sincerely,

Santa: Don't ask, don't tell?

For families who celebrate Christmas, Santa can be a pleasant diversion and a means for promoting good behavior, when children are young. But as they get older, the family might settle into an uneasy equilibrium. The children are old enough to know better: they couldn’t possibly believe that a man could deliver presents to millions of homes in a single night, powered by a few flying animals. Yet, perhaps, they are also wise enough to not question the clandestine delivery of presents which do not require a thank you note!  It might be hard for a modern mother to know: Do they know? Or not? Will they be humiliated in eighth grade when they are the last of their classmates to discover the truth?  Should we sit them down for a talk?

When there are multiple children of different ages, it becomes even more complicated.  If an older child asks directly, “Is Santa real?” in the presence of his younger siblings, the modern mother faces a conundrum: spill the beans to all of the the children, or lie to her 8/9/10 year old.  Alternatively,  she could take an existential approach: “If Santa doesn’t exist, then he can’t bring you presents, so if you would like to take that risk, you may.” And thus, the whole Santa thing evolves into a “don’t ask; don’t tell” situation.  Healthy? We’re not so sure. Effective? Yes. The older children become complicit in the Santa phenomenon, or maybe they just suspend disbelief for a few more years. Either way, the show can go on, even if it includes a knowing wink. 

* Santa image from allposters.com 

A Thank You Note to Steve Jobs

We wanted to take this opportunity to agree with the kind and witty thank you note Stanley Bing of Fortune Magazine recently wrote to Steve Jobs. It is everything a thank you note should be; sincere, thoughtful and entertaining.  Thank you Bing for saying it so well.  And thank you Steve for all of it.

You can read the note here.

Images from Google

Motivation to Teach Tactful Correspondence

"Oh, I already have this book." Or, "I don't really play with the big legos anymore." Oh, the brutal honesty of children. Maybe the well mannered mother didn't have the time and/or presence of mind to deflect some of her children's too-honest responses to presents this year. There's always next year: they will be a little older and possibly throwing out social lies by then.  In the mean time, the modern mother might want to review the "Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?" adage with her children, lest any relatives begin grumbling about "bratty children" and give up on her brood entirely.

More importantly, as they approach thank you notes in the lull between Christmas and New Year's, the modern mother might want to help her children work on tactful correspondence. As a motivational tool, we pass on these cards from children posted on someecards: 

Why We Trouble with Thank You

In a culture of indifference and vulgarity, a world where RSVPs are optional and asking a boy to wear a tie is unheard of, the well mannered modern mother can sometimes feel besieged.  Why?  Why should she insist on table manners and thank you notes from her children?  Why should she cajole her children into dressing appropriately for the occasion? Why should she request that her children look the hostess in the eye when thanking her?

With a recent story in the Wall Street Journal, the modern mother can put those questions to rest, or at the very least, feel justified in insisting on traditional manners. According to the story, Thank You, No, Thank You, the act of being thankful can make you happier, healthier, more successful.  For adults, this can mean higher incomes, higher resistance to viral infections, and better sleep. For children, it can mean a higher grades, fewer stomach ache complaints, and more satisfaction with school, friends, family.

Whatever those measures of "success" really mean, teaching children to say thank you, in writing and in person, helps them to acknowledge their own gratitude. It helps them recognize their own blessings, maybe even gives them a bit of humility and respect.

And so, well-mannered mothers and readers, you can all pat yourselves on the back, knowing that for once, social science agrees that you are doing something right. And if you want to put those studies to the test, trying being extra thankful, and see if you sleep better or maybe even get a raise.

Thank You Notes - From Children

What 4 year old is "too busy" to write a thank you note? Exactly. While in some fabulously over-scheduled circles, thank you notes may have become passé, people who know, know that this will not do. Like coaching a child to have passable table manners; training a child to write thank you notes can be excruciating. For younger children, drawing a picture, or signing a name to thoughts dictated to a parent can suffice, but by the time children write complete sentences in school, they are old enough to write their own thank you notes. Some rare children have a natural gift and can toss off charming and honest thank you notes from a young age. Many other children may lay their heads on the table and moan like a colony of lepers at the mention of thank you notes. Best results are achieved when a parent sits with the child and walks her through it. Find a sizable chunk of time when you are relaxed and focused and your child is awake and well nourished (not bedtime). Talk about the gift and the person who gave it: “What did aunt Betsy give you? Did you play with it in the basement yesterday? Does that complete your collection of Magic Tree House books?” The well-mannered mother guides her child to the material for the note, getting the job done, and teaching her children that writing thank you notes is a manageable and possibly enjoyable task. With luck, she will liberate her children to write thank you notes on their own when they are older and less amenable to parental meddling. Though it is tempting to allow children to wallow in the ignorance of a thank-you-note-free life, would you really want your child to become so entitled and boorish?